


SIlence

by talyag



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5x12 spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:53:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talyag/pseuds/talyag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian finally heard Silence, Debbie just showed up with the words to fill it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SIlence

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Debbie and Mckey would've bonded while Ian was gone.

Silence. 

It was a relief from all the static that had filled Ian’s head, yet, it still felt wrong. It was weird to be back to feeling his own thoughts. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It was like waking up from a dream – or better, a nightmare. 

The Chicago air was chilly, and Ian sat on the steps, completely zoned out from reality, but still in touch with it. His thoughts were back at that day. 

He had called Mickey first when he got back, he had only called Mickey. It’d always been Mickey he’d run to. This time though, he wasn’t running, he was beckoning, and Mickey ran to his call.

The fight wasn’t what he expected. He didn’t expect to get so mad. He also hadn’t banked on Sammi showing up so he couldn’t change his mind though. Wasn’t the first time the bitch had fucked up stuff. 

“Ian?” Debbie opened the door taking a look at her big brother. She looked at him, taking in what there was of him. He wouldn’t think that she was taking in what was left of him. 

He nodded at her and she took a seat on the steps, a little away from him, not quite prepared to sit with him. He could tell by her frosty attitude that she wasn’t pleased with him, not that he knew why.

“You are an idiot,” She spoke to him, thoughts of a teenage girl clearly on her mind. He nodded but didn’t respond. “Seriously, he kept making the hard choice. He spent nights here with us while you were gone – he was taking care of Liam and me. When Fiona had to work and Lip was at school, he came over. When Sammi turned you in – he nearly drugged her to death.” He gave a slight laugh at this. 

“I know you don’t remember Ian, but to him, you are family. At this point – we all are his family. He’s a Gallagher. He chose this. He chose you.” HE wasn’t sure when his sister got so wise.

“You don’t know the full story Debs, you couldn’t understand,” He finally spoke to his sister. He wouldn’t meet her eye though.

“Really Ian?” She said in that tone only a teenage girl could have. “You clearly don’t know that Mandy came over when you left, told us you were gone, she wouldn’t tell us where.” Debbie went on with an air of someone who knew too much. “Lip then let slip that the “dirtiest white boy in America” was to blame…” Ian let out a low chuckle at the old nickname, clearly not the case anymore. 

“I went to see him Ian,” she said, his head turned sharply to look at his sister, who walked into the snake pit for him. “You were gone, and he was a wreck. Completely smashed, had no idea what was going on, but once he was talking, he talked.

“He told me it was his fault you left for the army. His fault that you thought he didn’t care. He also told me that he just wanted you to stay alive, and if marrying Svetlana ensured that, then he’d do it. He told me he was gay. He also told me if I EVER told anyone he said this, he’d kill me.” Debbie laughs. “I believed it then, but now I know something scarier.

“Mickey is my brother. He would kill for me, just like he would kill for Mandy. Just like he almost killed for you. 

“Want more? He beat the crap out of Jimmy after Fi dismissed Jimmy. Told him if he ever came back that he’d kill him himself.” Debbie laughed at this.

“He told me he’s been in love with you for 3 years. 3 long, difficult, years. He said he almost lost you a second time. Said you made him choose, and that he chose you. Said he’d do it again and again and again if he had to. Told me about how he stopped you doing coke, and went to the club to act as your body guard. Said it was the club where he realized that being who he was wasn’t going to get him killed everywhere, he thought maybe just Southside.

“After he came out, to the whole Alibi room – Kev and co made sure he knew no one cared. At least, no one who mattered cared. He said that was when he really accepted that you and him could be together, not just in Boystown, but everywhere. 

“Ian, he loves everything about you, but he can’t keep fighting for you, you have to fight for him too. You have to see how great he is for you, because we all see it. 

He let out as snuffle, this was tearing him apart. 

“When you’re ready, he’ll always be there Ian. He hates that you think you have to push him away, but he’s given up. If he can’t make it work with you, no one will do. HE has that stupid picture of you that Mandy took all those years ago. He hides it when you are around. It’s posted on his wall in his room at his house right now though. 

He finally looked up, it was his turn to speak.

“Debs… He is everything I never knew I wanted. When we first fucked… Damn Debs, it was so insane… he read me so fucking well, and I was shocked. No one had picked up that I was into guys as quickly as he did. It was fucking shocking giving that it was his dick in my face that got it going. 

“He kept coming back for more – making it clear we were nothing. He was such a shitty liar though. I knew all along we were more than nothing. He wasn’t the type to fuck someone twice, let alone keep coming back for more. 

“I love him Debs, but he doesn’t love me. He wants me on those goddamned meds.” He finally stated.

“And…? I’m missing the punchline here Ian.” Debbie said with heart and conviction. “What you think we’ll watching you take anyone’s path but your own? Do you think he wants to be the next Frank – lets you do what you want, because you think it makes you happy, while really you are just riding your next high until you crash? Then you come back from depression, and run off… He’ll worry nonstop, and accept you when you come back. He is in love with you. Deeper than even Frank is with Monica. The difference is, Mickey will make you make a choice Ian. It is take your meds, and fight it with him, or he’ll be here to pick you back up, because he loves you too much not to… but he won’t stick around for your next high and crash. He’ll pick you back up and walk away.” Debbie sounded as though she had tears in her eyes at this point.

“It’s not just me… Fiona, Lip, Debbie, they all want you to level out on your meds.” He wasn’t sure when Mickey arrived, but couldn’t bear to look at him. 

“I love you. I have for longer than I can remember. I’ve given you everything you fucking wanted Gallagher. Anything to keep you safe, keep you with me. Keep you happy. I don’t want to fix you, I want you to fix you. I want you to want to be okay. I want you to realize that you need to be okay.” Mickey stated.

“Yeah Ian, they’re right.” He looks up to see Fiona and Lip standing above him. Veronica and Kev come out from the corner. 

“Yeah, I’m tired of watching this white trash fall apart over a boy who isn’t right to him. Ian, he may be an asshole…” Veronica gets interrupted.

“But if you make him cry one more fucking time – well lets put it this way, I won’t make the same mistake I did with Karen.” Mandy’s eyes flashed dangerously said this. Everyone looked at her. 

He looked around, the silence no longer so constraining. 

“Ian,” Mickey said his voice begging his old lover to meet his eyes. Ian turned to meet his eyes. “I won’t force you to take your meds. I am in love with you. You need space, fine. I won’t turn my back on you, or your family though, they’re my family too now. We look out for each other. Take the time you need, I’ll be around when you want me, and sometimes when you don’t.” Mickey said, a tear forming in his eye.

“Yeah bro, from what I hear, if you don’t take your meds and snap, the only one stupid enough to talk you down is Mickey. Personally, I think he is the crazy one…” Lip states, Mandy punches him in the arm.

“Well… I brought the Vodka, why is there no music on Fi? We need to have a party!” Veronica states, running into the house, everyone follows but Ian and Mickey.

“I’m not crazy Mick.” Ian states.

“You have always been crazy Firecrotch. You came at me with a tire iron.” They shared a chuckle. “IT doesn’t matter to me either way. I want you to be happy. I want to be with you, but not with you cheating on me. I want to be with you, but not having to worry when you’ll run off next with. I want to be with you, but I won’t sacrifice my happiness with you for it.” Mickey has tears in his eyes. 

“You don’t have to choose today, but eventually, you will have to choose. Do you want ot be with someone you love and who will be there through and through, or with a teenage meth dealer, or some old cock because that is usually your poison.” Mickey laughs, finally walking over to Ian and taking his hands. He pulls him up, placing his arms on his shoulders. 

“I know you better than you know you, and I love all of you Ian Clayton Gallagher.” Mickey said, looking into Ian’s shining eyes, filled with tears. 

“I’m scared Mickey… But I love you… I never have stopped loving you. But right now, I need to be me. I need you to be there or me, but not with me. Please Mickey….” Ian said, looking down into the older mans’ painful eyes.  
“Anything for you Ian…” Mickey stated, and leaned upa and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “I’m going to go in and spend some time with everyone, I hope you’ll come too.” Mickey says, letting Ian go and walking into the house. He throws one last look at Ian. 

Ian looked around, a small smile on his face. Maybe the silence was better, as long as silence meant he had what he needed. He had his family, he had Ian….   
a  
Monica was wrong, it wasn’t happiness he needed right now, it was people who accepted him, and understood him. He’s had Mickey all along.

He walked into the house, finally rid of the silence as he gave Mandy a hug, and talked to Fiona and Lip. His eyes found Mickey later in the night, a few drinks in. 

“I love you forever Mickey Milkovich…”


End file.
